HPBCANADA.COM

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?

A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?

A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in Wetaskiwin, Alberta who has a steady flow of customers from the nearby junior high schools.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Cold Lake prostitute who lives in Smokey Lake and is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel there.

My parents live in a suburb of Ponoka, and one of my sisters, who lives in Hobbema, is married to a Native transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in Camrose, and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Calgary.

I have two brothers.

One is currently serving a life sentence in Drumheller for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.

The other brother is in jail on charges of sexual misconduct with his children in Bowden.

All things considered, my main problem is this:

I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family.

I certainly want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin, who is a Leafs fan ..?

Signed, Tom

The OPP are cracking down on speeders heading into Toronto.

For the first offense, they give you 2 Maple Leaf tickets.

If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.





Q. What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup
playoffs ?

A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.



Q. What do the Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common ?

A. They can both make 20,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep a Toronto Maple Leaf out of your yard ?

A. Put up a goal net.

Q. What do you call a Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring ?

A. Real old.

Q. How many Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup ?

A. Nobody can remember.


Q. What do the Maple Leafs and possums have in common ?

A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road